oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
