note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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