Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
