That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How does one acquire holy water?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
