handjob tips. give me some.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
