Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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