I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
