U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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