The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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