i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
