he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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