someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
