I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
