oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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