I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
