Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
