Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
