i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
