Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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