I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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