Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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