I hope mine doesn't look like that
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
