Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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