All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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