Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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