U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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