its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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