i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
