My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you win again, gameday.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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