Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
