Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
