guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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