ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
