Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we're making bets on your personal life
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
