So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
