guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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