I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
