you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
