Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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