After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
