They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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