I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
