Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
