he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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