help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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