i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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