So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
