This is not my ceiling
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
