He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
