I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
