as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
