I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
