well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
