Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
