Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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