Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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