in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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