I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
