Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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