thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
