As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
