the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
