i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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