I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
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Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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