Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
