After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
