I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
