The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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