Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
