If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
