I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
