it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
