well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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