They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
