My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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