I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
