Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
