i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
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Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize