Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
