I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
